Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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