Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
