Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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