Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize