he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize