Sponge bath it is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
