There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize