Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
