I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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