I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
