I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Boobs speak an international language.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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