kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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