i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Come share oat with me in your robe
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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