definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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