im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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