i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
