did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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