Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize