he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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