just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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