i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I currently don't understand fingers.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
