So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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