i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
