I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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