Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
