Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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