i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I see more hoeing in ur future
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