Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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