"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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