I heard we made out
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
