if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
