bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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