You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
