He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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