I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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