There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
