Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
