But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
