Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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