The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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