I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
