Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
