doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
