If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
its liver damage thursday
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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