We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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