Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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