I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
