hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
