I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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