Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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