I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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