i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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