There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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