I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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