Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
