Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
