Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize