Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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