even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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