I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
