I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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