overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
