We named our party play list daddy issues
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
