a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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