Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i out mim tonsoeep
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